The adult version of Gummy Vites: B12 Barbie Cocktails

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This was the time that B. and I made pink B12 cherry concentrate health cocktails in miniature gold martini glasses and pretended we were having drinks when really we were taking our vitamins. This is the adult version of Gummy Vites. It was fun.

L

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Pipe Dream #335: To Resuscitate – Blackberry Citrus Chia Jam

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This recipe is part of a new category of recipes on tha blog called “Boiling Mini Batches of Sugar At Night On Lauren’s Poorly-Lit Stove.” Also in this category are this rhubarb syrup and the bitters rock candy. Breaking all the food blogger best practices of natural lighting and sharp focus and DSLR-only because who has time for that unless you quit your day job.

meyer lemontini 2

 

Here. Throwback sharply-focused photo from when I was like, an intern at a non-profit or something.

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This recipe is kind of magic because you get fruit fiber jam in five minutes flat without all the hassle of the gellings and the other whatnots whathaveyous canning nonsense and annoyances of life with which you normally have to deal. It is also a nice use of any summer berries that may or may not be starting to mold because they are just so ripe and full of life that they were overwhelmed in their little berry beings and started to shut down. It’s not their fault.

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Spread on toast, stir into yogurt, eat with a spoon. It’s all good.

Abundantly,

Lauren

Blackberry Citrus Chia Jam

Adapted from The Kitchn

2 cups blackberries

splash orange juice

juice of 1/2 a lemon

2 tablespoons honey

2 tablespoons chia seeds

Combine the blackberries, orange juice and lemon juice in a small saucepan over medium heat. Mash the berries with a fork and simmer for three minutes or so until the berries break down. Remove from the heat, and stir in the honey. Add the chia seeds and stir once until combined. Let stand for five minutes to thicken, then transfer to a jar to cool completely. This will keep in the fridge for about two weeks.

You’re freekeh me out

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Bacon kale tomato freekeh crust quiche ftw.

L

Pipe Dream #334: Don’t Overthink It – Frosted Apple Oatmeal Cookies

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The thoughts one might think when eating dates are similar to those that one might think when realizing that one is chronically overthinking something.

Eating Dates

From afar in the store, I never would have guess how incredibly dense, sweet and chewy dried dates would be in texture.

Should I really have to chomp on this so long? I’m getting worn out.

Wait, I don’t have to do this.

Too late, that was pretty satisfying and energizing.

Thanks to dried dates, I have now eaten the equivalent of nine pieces of fresh fruit in about three minutes instead of three days.

Overthinking Things

From afar in my mind, I never would have guessed how incredibly dense, sweet and chewy this situation would be if I thought about it more.

Should I really have to think on this so long? I’m getting worn out.

Wait, I don’t have to do this.

Too late, that was temporarily satisfying and not really energizing.

Thanks to overthinking,  I have now spent nine minutes imagining three outcomes to a scenario that will take three minutes to live.

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Anyway, dates > overthinking, so don’t think too hard about how these cookies have no added sugar, oil or dairy (that is, minus the frosting). They are hearty and chewy and healthy and simple, and they taste even better on the second day.

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If you don’t have dates on hand, you can always use raisins or chopped nuts or a combination thereof. But I probably don’t need to tell you that dates > raisins (except in these cookies), so I don’t reco it.

Saying “I don’t reco it,” is literally the worst use of abbrev I have ever deigned to employ. There are literally children flying kites in the park outside my office window, and there are figuratively waves lapping on the shore of my summer brain right now, so I’m clearly trying really hard to keep my vocabulary easy on your articulate and classy brains.

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Yours ever,

Lauren

Frosted Apple Oatmeal Cookies

An LH Original

1 banana, very ripe, mashed
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 cup rolled oats
2 tablespoons almond milk (or other milk)
1⁄2 cup chopped dates (or raisins)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix all ingredients except the dates in a bowl, then mix in the dates. Drop onto a baking sheet and bake in a 350 degree oven for about 12 minutes, until lightly golden. Let cool. Frost with a glaze of choice. I mixed about 2 cups powdered sugar with a little cinnamon and a tiny bit of vanilla, adding milk teaspoon by teaspoon until it reached a glazing consistency.

Another biscuit, another brunch

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And the beat goes on.

L

Hateful Sprinkle Bars and a phat phamily phunction

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You can file this under the “I hate sprinkles category” along with the other sprinkles recipes on this blog.

I don’t even like sprinkles. To deal with the abundance of stale sprinkles in my pantry, I mixed a bunch of them together and periodically use them to decorate hateful bark cookies and to rain down like brimstone on innocent passersby. This is the evil twin equivalent of pre-mixing pancake mixes or something to have on hand as a “pantry staple.” Pre-made sprinkles mixes = totally pointless and tasteless and nefarious.

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There are orange and black bat sprinkles. Look closely.

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Wait, guys, legit, how did this blog post get so dark? These bars weren’t even bad. They were pretty average sugar cookie bars for a phat phamily phunction at which we watched this lol.

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Anyway,

Lauren

Sprinkle Bars

Adapted from fearless homemaker

For the cookies:
1 stick (8 tablespoons) butter, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda

For the frosting:
1 1/2 sticks (12 tablespoons) butter, at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract + 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
pinch of salt
3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
3 tablespoons milk
food coloring, if desired
sprinkles, if desired

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Spray an 8×8″ or 9×9″ baking pan with non-stick spray.

Cream the butter and sugar on a medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Add in vanilla extract. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, + baking soda. slowly add to butter mixture, and  mix on low speed just until combined.

Press the dough into the prepared pan in an even layer. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until light golden brown.

To make the frosting, beat the butter on a medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Add in the vanilla + salt. Add the powdered sugar 1 cup at a time, mixing slowly until combined. Add milk and mix until fluffy. Tint with a drop of food color, if desired. Spread the frosting over the cooled bars and decorate with sprinkles.

Bright early summer

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Neon brought to you courtesy of a Little Library and peony season.

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New explores in downtown.

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This old best brownie recipe, swirled.

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Pre-show jewel tones.

L


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