Pipe Dream #211: To Make A Mercy Killing – Orange Almond Trifles

Trifles are the cooking equivalent of those sand art projects you did in elementary school, easy to assemble and satisfyingly ornamental without much effort. Granted, you probably won’t be able to create a camel under a palm tree using orange zest and whipped cream, but go for it if you want, man. Also, like sand art, trifles have a short shelf life, though this is because they go down easy, not because your little sister shook up your sand bottle and made all the colors mix and then your sand bottle was ugly beige-colored instead of zesty rainbow-colored.

Guys, I was really excited about using this flavoring oil. It’s like orange juice concentrate. Except not for drinking. It’s just really strong, ok? You can get these in like, any flavor you want, too.

Unlike this trifle, which was gluten-free and intentional, these are the result of an overly dramatic cake layer. I tried to get it out of a pan I didn’t bother lining before it was totally cool and was met with fierce resistance, so I mercilessly shook it into pieces. It was heartbroken, but hey, I can’t care about every cake’s feelings. After such a bad knock, I decided to give it a mercy killing and split it into four crumbled servings which I buried in creamy layers of pastry cream and whipped cream. Not such a bad way to go out, I guess.

Because of the chill time required, trifles are a make-ahead dessert. Also, aren’t you just jazzed about getting a peek inside this fridge? To me, knowing what’s in someone’s fridge says a lot about them. It’s like reading their diary. Ok, I realize I am a little obsessed with food sometimes. You probably do not even care about this. Olives, broccoli slaw, maple syrup, greek yogurt and queso. Judge me how you will.

I served the trifles in individual glasses garnished with an orange wedge to make them an acceptable dessert-for-breakfast. Because a pretty glass means you can eat whatever you want whenever you want.

Killin’ it,

L

Orange Almond Trifles

For the cake:

Half of any cake recipe will do. I used this one from i am baker.

For the orange pastry cream:

Any pastry cream recipe will do. I halved this one from Food Network.

For the sweetened whipped cream:

Beat 1 cup heavy whipping cream with a tablespoon or two of powdered sugar until soft peaks form. Stir in a 1/2 teaspoon vanilla.

Layer the trifle components, starting with the cake, then the pastry cream, then the whipped cream. Garnish with orange zest and toasted almonds. I used wine glasses as a vessel, but you could use anything. If you don’t want individual servings, you could try something like this.

Random Texture FAIL – Mocha Velvet Cream Pots

With a name like ‘Mocha Velvet Cream Pots,’ you’d think this would be the best dessert ever. To parse, via Google dictionary:

Mocha – A drink or flavoring made with or in imitation of fine-quality coffee, typically with chocolate added.

Velvet – A closely woven fabric of silk, cotton, or nylon that has a thick short pile on one side. Alternately, soft downy skin that covers a deer’s antler while it is growing.

Cream – The thick white or pale yellow fatty liquid that rises to the top on raw milk, used in cooking.

Pot – A container, typically rounded and of metal, used for storage or cooking. Alternately, cannabis.

However, this was not the best dessert ever.

I failed this pretty bad, mostly because I used the wrong amount of egg yolks that had previously been frozen, that I then tried to thaw on the quick in the microwave and cooked them halfway. Which in turn curdled the “velvet” part of the cream pots. I knew I knew I knew that thawing the eggs in the microwave would be a PLC (poor life choice for those of you who aren’t my close friends), but I did it anyway. It was a #bakingsaturday, and I was crazy.

They might have been more aptly named Mocha Kelt Cream Pots or Mocha Mocha Velvet Ratiné Pots. P.s. I’ve learned so much about fabric today. They had a lovely flavor, but this recipe is all about texture, and the texture of these was nubby and chunky. Far from velvety. I tried to deal with this by adding a chocolate-covered coffee bean. Heh.

I was going to bring these to a dinner party, but declared them unfit. Stay tuned for what I actually brought, which was far better. Try this with real egg yolks. Try not splashing the chocolate up the sides of the dishes (see notes below). It sounds like the best thing ever, and you could probably do it right.

Tuning it up,

L

Mocha Velvet Cream Pots

Adapted from Greatest-Ever Chocolate Cookbook by Christines McFadden & France

1 tablespoon (15 mL) instant coffee crystals

2 cups (16 fl. ounces, 475 mL) milk

6 tablespoons (3 ounces, 75 grams) white sugar

8 ounces (225 grams) semi-sweet chocolate, chopped

2 teaspoons (10 mL) vanilla extract

2 tablespoons (30 mL) coffee liqueur or creme de cacao (I chucked in the creme de cacao in lieu of the coffee liqueur)

7 egg yolks

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (160 degress C).  Place eight ramekins (120 mL, 4 ounces, 1/2 cup) in a roasting pan or glass baking dish.

Put the coffee granules into a saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir in the milk and sugar. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently, until the coffee and sugar have dissolved. Remove from the heat and add the chopped chocolate (or chips), stirring until melted and smooth. Stir in the vanilla and liqueur if using.

In a separate bowl, whisk the egg yolks to blend lightly. Slowly whisk in the chocolate until well-mixed, the strain the mixture through a fine sieve into a large pitcher or measuring cup. Pour this equally into the ramekins. I recommend placing the pan with the ramekins into the oven without pulling out the rack that the pan sits on, and pouring the mixture in. This way, the mixture won’t splash up the sides of the ramekins like mine did. Pour boiling water into the roasting pan to come halfway up the sides of the ramekins.

Bake for 30-35 minutes until the custard is just set and a knife inserted into the custard comes out clean. Remove from the roasting pan and cool. Once cool, cover and chill. Decorate with a chocolate covered coffee bean before serving. You could also sprinkle on some powdered sugar cocoa powder or whipped cream.

Pipe Dream #132: – Strawberry Lemonade Cupcakes

These were an inspired idea. The execution was not as inspired as the thought itself, but isn’t that just how things go sometimes? Yes. Even the ISFJ’s among us can wreck a perfectly good plan now and again.

The original recipe that caught my attention was this one, a lemonade layer cake that added lemonade mix to the dry ingredients. Genius, right? Especially during summer, when my body craves lemonade daily (and also cake, but that is a different tale). Given my extreme fear of producing a cake that is dry and (heaven forbid) angel food cake-like, I decided to take this strawberry cupcake recipe that you’ve seen before and just add a packet of lemonade mix to it.

Great, except it didn’t taste that great, and wonder of wonders, my buttercream split in the 95 degree heat. I had to add loads of powdered sugar to make it even set up a little. I won’t even tell you about the time I spent pressing hot washcloths to the side of the bowl in a lazy efficient attempt to de-frag it.

Sorry this recipe was a bit of a fail. Next time, I’m just going to add fresh lemon zest and call it a day. In other news, aren’t the cupcake liners cute? They were a gift from a friend, which makes them all the specialer.
Less hot,

L

Strawberry Lemonade Cupcakes

Follow this recipe, but add one packet of Crystal Light Lemonade mix. The big one, that makes 4 quarts. It really wasn’t an awful cupcake, so if it sounds good, try it, but I was nonplussed. Don’t overbeat the frosting, for real.